Message In A Bottle
by Imtellingmyfatheraboutthis
Summary: AOU SPOILERS! Set at the end of Age Of Ultron, after Hulk has crashed into the sea. Bruce is travelling around Asia after crashing near Fiji, slowly descending into a mental state of darkness he thought he was beginning to put behind him. A collection of unsent letters written by Bruce to Natasha. Reasonably dark & depressive themes.
1. Message In A Bottle

**Hiya! Hope you're all doing well!**

 **THIS CONTAINS PRETTY-BLOODY-MAJOR-SPOILERS.**

 **This is going to be a series of letters Bruce writes, but never sends, to Natasha, after the Quintjet crashes near Fiji.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **~Daisy Xx**

 **P.S. If you fancy giving me a review, I would love you dearly!**

March

2015

Gau, Fiji

Dear Natasha,

Hi.

I've spent nearly 2 weeks as the big guy, I've only just become me again; It's harder when you're not here for the lullaby. I really, really miss you.

I'm on the small island of Gau, in Fiji, I assume I swam there after the other guy crashed the plane. It's not so bad here, I've been staying in a small village on the coast, with some of the most dramatic crashing waves and beautiful sunsets. I get woken up by the bird's dawn chorus and the howler monkeys every morning, so I watch the sun rise from the hill and for a few moments the whole world seems to turn golden.

One young man in the village speaks a little English, so I'm learning Fijian from him, though I expect I'll leave the village soon, I don't want to become a burden here.

I know you can't find me. And I know I can't find you. Maybe we should keep it like that for a bit. I can't get this letter to you, and that might be for the best, but I have put this letter in a bottle, and who knows, the whole world is out there, across every ocean, maybe someone will find it. Maybe they'll understand, know how this all feels.

Bruce.

 **Hope you enjoyed this! I'll be uploading more letters soon. I know they're short, but in theory if I upload a lot of them, that'll make up for it!**

 **I've always found unsent letters a very tragic idea, it seems to represent everything that will never be said.**

 **Also, if you fancy listening to a desperately beautiful (and devastating) album, I'd recommend Favourite Faded Fantasy by Damien Rice(particularly the box), which I wrote this to.**

 **Hope you've seen Age of Ultron (if you haven't, WHY DID YOU JUST READ THIS?!) I saw it about a week and a half ago, but I didn't want to post too much stuff until it came out in the States. Also if you want to discuss anything AoU related I am here, so please talk to me, because I am happy to obsess with you!**

 **Sorry, went a bit rambly!**

 **I'd always love a review, if you've got the time! Cheers!**

 **~Daisy Xx**


	2. Ashes In The Wind

**Hi! Hope you're well. Looks like Bruce is going to be doing a bit of island hopping.**

 **I wrote this listening to 'To Be Alone' By Ben Howard. It's beautiful. You should listen to it too.**

 **If you fancy it, please send a review, they make my day!**

 **~Daisy Xx**

April

2015

Fiji

Dear Natasha,

I hope you are okay.

I don't feel okay anymore. There was a brief moment, when I just arrived in Fiji, a holiday, I suppose, where I forgot everything that had ever happened. How foolish I was to believe that a bit of nature and a beautiful sunset would make me forget about the monster I know I am.

I tried to help out as much as possible in the village, I attempted to teach English, and help with the farming and the cooking and cleaning, so they gave me a place to stay. It felt too delicate there. Like an ecosystem so perfectly balanced that the slightest poke could cause destruction. I didn't want to be the thing that shoved them into destruction, so I left, on a packed little boat with some local people and woven baskets overstuffed with coconuts and ginger, stacked precariously on top of each other. It's a precarious fucking life I live, Natasha.

I wish I could see you, or hear your voice or hold your hand or listen to you breathe. I just want to see you. But I can't. Not yet.

I'm still on the boat this minute, writing this to you.

I'm going to tear this letter into the tiniest shreds and throw it into the skies, like ashes scattered in the wind. It's kind of how I feel right now.

From,

Bruce.

 **Hope you liked this chapter.**

 **If you find the time you should:**

 **Listen to the Burgh Island EP(gorgeous place, gorgeous EP), the song I feel is most relevant to this fic is To Be Alone, and it is coincidentally, also my favourite song on the EP**

 **Give me a review! Though I realise that sounds a little aggressive. So, if you have the time and you fancy it, why not give me a review, telling me if you liked it or hated it!**

 **Bye!**

 **~Daisy Xx**

 **P.S. This is also the fastest I've uploaded a new chapter, ever...**


	3. Letters In A Graveyard

**Hi! Hope you are all happy. Unfortunately Bruce is less so. I'm sorry, this was a bit of a bleak chapter. I fear I may have to make change it to angst, given the way this fic seems to be headed.**

 **This chapter the single I listened to was Daughter 'Smother'. I'll write more about it after.**

 **Hope you enjoy (?).**

 **~Daisy Xx**

 **P.S. Reviews make my day!**

July

2015

Solomon Islands

Dear Tasha,

I miss you. I miss you so much. Every time I think of you, I feel my insides plummet. I can't do this anymore, but I have no choice but to continue. I can't come back. Not for a while.

I feel empty. I'm a cracking shell, waiting for a final blow that will shatter me, only to discover there is nothing inside. I've felt the cracking for a long time now. Every minute of every day, I can feel a little piece of me being snapped off by guilt.

After Fiji I travelled to the Solomon Islands on a small plane. They didn't ask for a passport.

Since then I have done next to nothing. I've watched suns rise and suns set, tides come in and tides come out, monsoons begin and monsoons end. But mostly I've thought about you. How I must have crushed you. I think of Pietro. And every other person who has died solely because of me. The pain of having someone you love torn away from you. I've caused that. For hundreds of people.

I don't feel anymore. Nothing. I just exist. I barely eat or sleep or move. And I don't care if it stays like that. Everything is bleak and grey and cold. A barren moor, a desert, the deepest darkest parts of the ocean. That's all I am, and all I feel.

I don't want to be anymore.

I'm going to bury this letter in the ground, a grave I suppose. It'll disintegrate and become part of the soil and then maybe a tree will take nutrients from the soil, and respire and then the whole atmosphere will become this letter.

From,

Bruce.

 **Hi!**

 **Hope you thought this was alright. I'm sorry it's got so bleak all of a sudden (though I'm not quite sure how you could make this joyful).**

 **Anyway, my album for this chapter is Daughter's (I realise probably none of you bother listening to these- I never normally do!) 'If You Leave'. The lead's voice is truly haunting, as is the slightly folky electronic sound and the fairly depressive outlook on life shown in this album…(I sound like a very bad version of some music critic on the Sunday Times).**

 **Anyway, Reviews make my day, so I'd love one if you have a minute!**

 **~Daisy Xx**

 **P.S. It's almost 5AM and it's reached that point where I just couldn't give a shit anymore. Oh well, it's a bank holiday…**


	4. Pockets

September

2015

Solomon Islands

Dear Nat,

I'm back there.

The place I never wanted to return to. And since no one will ever read this, I can tell you.

I want to die.

I'm keeping this one in my pocket.

From Bruce

 **This isn't really a chapter, but it's just the way I wanted to structure it…**

 **~Daisy Xx**


End file.
